Alternate Realities/Transcript
Garnet and Pearl's Craving (The first part starts with Steven in Rose’s room pasting and pondering.) Steven: That’s it. I wish for a T.V. with a microphone that shows you alternate realities. (The thing Steven wished for popped up.) Steven: I’ll call it… The Alter-Vision. (Steven takes it out of the room and into the living room.) Steven: Alright. I have to tell them about this. (Later, the Gems, Greg and Sadie sit down and look at the T.V.) Sadie: A T.V.? I don’t wanna hurt your feelings, but, it’s been done. Steven: This is no ordinary T.V., Sadie. It’s… the Alter-Vision! Garnet: Already figured that out. Steven: This thing shows you an alternate reality of you or someone else you know. Pearl: Where did you get it? Garnet: He made it in Rose’s room. Greg: Jeez. Steven, remember when you told me about the cloud Connie from a few months back? Steven: No, no, no! This is different. It’s an inanimate object. Greg: (pauses) Hmm. Alright. Pearl: I have one. What if Amethyst stopped eating around here? Steven: Garnet? Garnet: That’s one problem around here. She leaves a mess around the house. Steven: OK. (grabs microphone) What if Amethyst stopped eating? (The screen flickers and the camera gets closer to the screen.) (The screen shows the reality of Pearl’s question.) Garnet: That’s done with. (Garnet steps on a piece of pizza.) Garnet: Grr! Amethyst!! Amethyst: (with less care) Yeah? Garnet: You know what this is on my foot? Amethyst: A piece of pizza? Garnet: And why’s it on the floor. Amethyst: To eat it later, that’s why… Garnet: Wrong!!! It’s because you leave a mess everywhere! When… No. I have no option, but this: Amethyst… you’re losing your eating privileges… forever. Amethyst: Ha! You’re not even my mom! Very funny, Garnet. Garnet: No, Amethyst! You’re banned and I mean it! I’m not having you eat another piece of food for the rest of your life. You’re going on a diet. Amethyst: But, Garnet, I love eating! It taste so good! You can’t take away my eating! Garnet: Sorry, but your whining won’t change my mind. And besides, having to work out is great. You can work on your glutes, your pecs, you can loose this thick body and be skinny like me. Amethyst: Now that you mention it, it might not be that bad. I could have a thin body. How long does it take? Garnet: Two to three months. Amethyst: Two to three months?! That’s too long! Garnet: Well, you wanted to have a thin body. And don’t shape-shift. That’s a fowl. And that means I know you’ll do it. Amethyst: OK, you win. Garnet: Training starts tomorrow. (Amethyst goes in her room and closes her door.) Garnet: Hmm. Amethyst: Alright. Let’s see. (She check around her stuff and sees a box of workout video cassettes.) Amethyst: Oh, nice! (She takes them out and puts them in a cassette player with the cables plugged in Steven’s TV.) Amethyst: Alright. (A montage of Amethyst watching workout videos plays. She copies the same moves on the tapes over and over and over again. Then a month later, she finds a scale, cleans out and gets on it and the scale says she lost only 12 pounds.) Amethyst: Agh! This hopeless. (She takes a pause.) I know! (She chains herself onto a chair.) Amethyst: Now not to eat anything for three months. (Meanwhile, Garnet and Pearl walk hope from Fish Stew Pizza holding a big box of pizza.) Pearl: I must say, this box is so big. Garnet: It’s not that big. It’s just long. Pearl: Are you sure this will feed two of them? Garnet: (pause) Yes. (They both arrive at the door and get inside and put the box on the kitchen counter.) Pearl: Steven! We brought some pizza. Steven: Nice! That’s the same size as the one I ordered for me and Lion. Pearl: Where’s Amethyst, Garnet? Garnet: I told her to stop eating. Pearl: Oh, good. Now that chewing so loud and talking with your mouthful stopped. Praise the… Uh, Steven? Who do we praise again? Steven: It’s… (He whispers in her ear.) Pearl: Ohh. Garnet: You know, why do people eat this stuff? (Pearl and Garnet eat two pieces of pizza. Then they both get shocked on how it tasted. They both eat their pieces and suck the crumbs off their fingers.) Pearl: (mouthful) How come nobody told us eating these things tasted so good? Garnet: (mouthful) I have no idea. Pearl: Steven? Aren’t you gonna eat your slice? Steven: No, thanks. I’ve lost my appetite. Pearl: More for us, then. (They start eating every slice from the box.) Amethyst: Huh? No! Just ignore it. (The scene cuts to a black background and has white text that says “Two weeks later…”. Then the scene cuts to Garnet and Pearl, now overweight from all the food they had.) Pearl: (overweight voice) You know, Garnet? I guess eating wasn’t that bad after all. Garnet: (overweight voice) And we now see why she enjoys eating that food. (Once they get in the house, they get stuck in the door.) Garnet: Oh, boy. Suck in your gut. (They both suck in their guts and get unstuck from the door.) Pearl: We’ll need a bigger door. Garnet: Yeah. Steven: Whoa! What happened to you guys? Pearl: We tasted a bunch of stuff there was around the entire town. Donuts, chocolate, chips, dip, cookie cats… Steven: What?! (He checks the freezer and sees it empty.) Steven: You guys, how could you? Pearl: Sorry, Steven. But, it was so good eating something so edible. (Garnet burps.) Garnet: Excuse me. (Pearl grabs a chocolate bar.) Pearl: I don’t know how humans make food so good. (She eats a chunk of the chocolate bar off and her sash ribbon snaps off and her belly hangs.) Pearl: Oh, no! I’ll need to get bigger clothes. Garnet: I guess we overdid it. Steven: You think? Pearl: (takes a pause) You know, I wonder where Amethyst is. Garnet: Probably still dieting. (The scene cuts to black and shows white texts saying “Two months later…”. Then the scene shows Garnet pasting.) Garnet: I can still paste, but, I can barely see my feet. (Pearl walks in, now weighing two-hundred and fifty pounds and wearing a light-blue dress.) Steven: Nice dress, Pearl. Pearl: Thanks. (Amethyst comes out of her room, now looking skinny.) (The three of them stare at her and they don’t say a word to her.) Amethyst: What? what’s happened to you guys? Garnet: We tasted pizza two months ago. I see you we’re loosing weight. Not eating or using workout videos. Amethyst: Yeah. But, you both really let yourselves go. Garnet: Yeah. We may’ve grown out. Amethyst: Yeah. Well, I’m going out. (Garnet turns around and sees the chair that Amethyst chained herself up to.) Garnet: So, that’s why she was in her room. I’m really surprised. (Two hours later, Amethyst returns home.) Garnet: You’re back. Amethyst: Yeah, Garnet. I did some jogging for two hours. Garnet: Well, good. If you need me, I’m doing some push ups. (She does push ups with no hands.) (Meanwhile, Pearl starts jiggling her belly.) Pearl: It’s weird why they have these bellies. Steven: Pearl, we need to talk. Pearl: Sure. (Pearl takes a seat on the couch.) Steven: (pause) It’s about you new weight. I’m worried you won’t fit in the house or the temple anymore. Garnet: He's right. You need to loose some or more of that and do what I’m doing. (The alternate story ends with Pearl doing push ups.) Pearl: How much more? Garnet: Twenty more. (The screen flickers and cuts to them.) Steven: What do you think? Garnet: Pretty weird. Brother and Sister (the second starts with Steven wiping off the dust off the T.V. with a rag.) Steven: OK. Who wants to go next? Sadie: Me! Steven: Go ahead. Sadie: (exhales) OK. Let me just think for a second. (grabs the microphone.) What if I was Steven’s sister? (The screen shows the reality Sadie called for. The reality starts in Sadie’s bedroom.) Sadie: (asleep) You can’t take my place. Steven: (o.s.) Sadie, wake up. Wake up, big sister. Sadie: (wakes up) Yeah… I’m up. Steven: Mom made breakfast. Today, it’s breakfast. Sadie: Sure. (They run upstairs.) Barbara: I hope you kids like it. (They try a bite.) Steven & Sadie: It’s good. (They eat the rest of it.) Sadie: Mom, you can really make a good breakfast. Steven: Yeah. Thanks. Barb: Good. Now time for you to go to work. Sadie: OK. Goodbye. (She runs to the door.) Barbara: Oh, Sadie… you can’t leave without your lunch. Steven: It’s OK. I made her one before she woke up. Barbara: Aww. Isn’t that nice? You better go. Steven: Can I come with you? (He makes puppy eyes and Sadie gives in.) Sadie: Sure thing, little brother. Steven: Yeah! (She gives him a piggyback ride.) Sadie: Gee, you’re easy to pick up. Steven: Good thing I’m not picking you up. (Both of them laugh.) (The scene cuts to the Big Donut.) Sadie: One day, you’ll work here, Steven. Lars: Yeah, that’ll be the day. Sadie: Just wait, Lars! You’ll see that he’ll be great at this job. I show him everyday at home. Steven: Yeah. You’ll all see!!! (The customers say nothing because of him shouting out.) Sadie: Just ignore him. Steven: Sadie, why? Sadie: Just because I said that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to be working here. (Steven raises his eye brow.) Steven: Do you get to eat for free? Sadie: Not exactly. But I do eat my homemade lunch. Steven: You know, if you work there, why don’t you just live there? Sadie: (pause) Ha! That’s not possible. Steven: That way, you won’t have to walk all the way there. Sadie: Oh, boy… Steven, where would you sleep? Steven: Uhh… Sadie: Exactly! You really have to learn more about working. Steven: Yeah, I know. Sadie: Yeah. (They walk back to Sadie’s house and cuts to Sadie’s room.) Sadie: You know, little brother, there’s just some things you should know. Like the Videotape. The horror movies. Plus, drama and dating. Steven: Mom says I’m too young to date. Sadie: You just need to know more about it. Steven: I refuse to take the responsibility. It might be too riské. Sadie: Mom was your age. She met dad and they dated for as long as they can remember. Then mom made the first move. Steven: Sadie, please. Sadie: Come on. Give it a chance. Steven: (pause) Alright, sis. (Later, they walk on the boardwalk.) Sadie: Alright. Look at that girl. (They look at Connie.) Sadie: She looks available. Just go and talk to her and tell her, “You look nice.” Steven: Alright. (He walks up to her.) Steven: Hello. I like your hair. You’re beautiful. Connie: Thanks. Steven: Would you like to go out? And talk? Connie: Um… sure. Yeah. (They walk off.) Sadie: Young love. (Later, back in Sadie’s room…) Sadie: Where is that kid? (Steven walks down the stairs.) Sadie: Steven! Where’ve you been? Steven: Out with Connie for like three hours. Sadie: Looks like you’ve made it. Steven: So, tell me more about these relationships of girls and boys. Sadie: Well, here’s a number of levels you get to. (She pulls out a journal with numbers for the relationship.) Sadie: Here’s Level 1: Dating. You made it to that. Here’s Level 2: Smooching. Where you start kissing. Steven: What about that one? Sadie: You stay away from that! (Steven pauses and raises his eyebrow.) Sadie: Don’t do Level 15! Steven: I have no idea what gives with that one. Sadie: Now, Steven, I know I shouldn’t tell you this but… (She whispers in his ear.) Steven: What?! Gross! Sadie: That what you do when you’re older. Steven: I’m not doing that when I grow up. Barbara: (upstairs) What are you guys talking about? Sadie: Maturity. Barbara: Oh, be sure not to tell him that much about the you know what. Sadie: OK. (to Steven) Well, goodnight. (She gets in bed and Steven gets in too.) Steven: Goodnight, sis. (The story ends and the screen flickers.) Sadie: Well? Steven: I think that was nice. Garnet: But, him calling you sis, not so much. Sadie: Sometimes, brothers might say “sis”. (Garnet pauses and she puts her face in her hand.) Easy Being Yellow (Part 3 starts with the same characters in the exact same place.) Steven: So… who wants to go next? Garnet: I think you should do it, Steven. Steven: OK. Sure. (grabs microphone) What if every citizen in this town’s skin color was yellow? (The Alter-Vision’s screen flickers and plays the reality.) (The alternate reality starts with just blackness.) Steven: (dreaming) No. I think you messed with the wrong guys. We Gems aren’t going out without a fight. (Steven wakes up and is wearing green pajamas and has yellow skin.) Pearl: Good morning, sweetie. (Pearl has yellow skin also, he also has blue hair, a green dress high heels and a red necklace.) Steven: Good morning. Pearl: Such a nice one, Steven. Alright, get dressed. (She walks off.) (Later, Steven wears an orange shirt, blue shorts and blue shoes.) (Greg reads a newspaper and has yellow skin, wears a white collared shirt, light blue pants and grey shoes.) Greg: Hey, boy. Steven: How are you though guy? Greg: Why you little…! Come here. (He picks him up and gives him a tussles his hair.) Greg: Nice one. Tough guy. Steven: Well, gotta go. (Steven rides a green skateboard.) Steven: (thinking) Alright. Hook the pole, Steven. The pole. (He grabs the pole then, spins around and lets go.) Steven: Cowabunga! (He stops at the Big Donut. Then, Sadie comes out and has along with yellow skin, a white necklace, a red dress and red Mary Jane shoes.) Sadie: Hey, Steven. Nice board. Steven: Hey. You wanna come back to my house? Sadie: OK. Sure, why not? (They walk back to Steven’s house.) Greg: Hey, boy. Hey, Sadie. Sadie: Hi, Greg. Pearl: Nice to meet you, Sadie. Steven: Up here. (They clime up to the bed.) And let’s see. (He turns on the T.V. and it shows a stand up comedian.) Comedian: …well, here’s the thing: The orange just can’t see… because of Vitamin C. (The T.V. audience laughs, so does Steven and Sadie.) Sadie: Oh, never gets old. Steven: Real killer. Greg: Hey, guys. I’ve gotten four tickets to an opening show. Pearl: Oh, that’s wonderful. Where did you get those? Greg: From online. They’re for Beach-a-Palooza. Steven: No way. I’ve been there before. And it was trippy. I’d rather pass. Sadie: Come on, Steven. Give it a chance. Your dad got tickets to an opening show. Pearl: Sweetie, it’ll be like a family outing. Though, you’re his son he’s your dad. I’m like your mother figure and she’s... your sister figure. Steven: (gives in) Alright. I’ll come. Pearl: That’s the spirit! Greg: Now, let’s roll! (Later, Steven, Pearl and Sadie are in the van wait for Greg. Steven honks the horn impatiently.) Steven: Come on, dad! Let’s get the led out. Greg: (off screen) Hold your horses, I’m coming. (He grabs four seats and gets an umbrella.) Greg: Ohh, jeez. Pearl: Greg, carrying all of that doesn’t leave much to the imagination. (He puts the seats and the umbrella in the back and gets in the driver’s seat.) Greg: Heads up, kids. I should move the seat back. Sadie: (muffled) It “is” back. Greg: Never mind. Steady as she goes! (He starts the van and drives it to Beach-a-Palooza. The scene cuts to Beach-a-Palooza. The four get out of the car and hold their chairs.) Greg: Alright. Everybody stick together. We don’t wanna get sepera… (He turns his head and sees them gone.) Greg: …ted. (Steven and Sadie walk around to choose a spot.) Steven: We’ll never get to see the show like this. Sadie, your time to shine. Sadie: (sobbing) Mom! Where are you? I can’t find you. (She puts her hands on her face.) (They both walk through some people.) Steven: Outta the way. Girl lost her mom. Hey, fatso, move it! Sorry to offend you. Pardon us. Sade, Nice act. (Meanwhile with Pearl…) Pearl: Let’s see… (looks at a spot with trash.) Nope. (She looks at another spot with a sun bather.) Oy. (She sees another spot with nothing.) Here we go. A good thing it’s at the shallow end. (Greg finds a spot, but people crowd it.) Greg: The heck with this. I’m gonna find another spot. (He walks off.) Pearl: I’ve found a spot. It’s good that people didn’t get this spot. Steven & Sadie: Nice. (They put their chairs on the spot and watch the show.) Mayor Dewey: Now, ladies and gentleman… prepare yourselves for a show that might blow you away! (Steven imitates an explosion and everyone laughs.) Mayor Dewey: OK. Real mature. Hit it! (After the show…) Steven: I can believe it. Sadie: That was just terrible. Pearl: That guy was just telling horrible jokes that weren’t funny. Greg: Good thing that we got a refund. (pause) You guys wanna go get some food? Steven: Sure. Sadie: OK. Pearl: I’ll just have a soda. (The reality ends.) Steven: Wow. Sadie: Double wow. Garnet: I… I guess it was OK. (The story ends.) Category:Fanon Episodes